When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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