when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
