take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
