just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
