'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
