For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
