How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize