just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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