I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
