He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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