i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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