We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
