I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
