life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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