No awkward lesbian experiences without me
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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