u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
