he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
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I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
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Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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