captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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