so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
