Umm I'm too high to move.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
