then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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