Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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