Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
