Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
