I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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