12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
