Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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