Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
