Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.

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(256): View more from Alabama

Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.

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(513): View more from Ohio

he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now

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(703): View more from Virginia

The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Did you at least know who's jizz it was?

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

That is questionable.

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