i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Randomize
