yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
