I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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