Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
