I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
third nipple confirmed
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
