Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
