Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
