eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
