When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
