Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
