you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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