my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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