Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
How's work?
Spinning.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
