cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
