I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
