I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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