The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
