drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
