The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
