is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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