He uses pillows to masturbate.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
