how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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