i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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