How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
