I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
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