just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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