i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
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He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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