someone get that fucking seahorse.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
