Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
