I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
