speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
