Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
