dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
