even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize