His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
