Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
