I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
