the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I need help removing her.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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