Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
