The maid of honor just puked.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
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Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
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By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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