Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
someone get that fucking seahorse.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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