Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
