She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
