I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
