Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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