I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
