i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
