my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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