Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
