haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
