it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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